Call it postpartum. Call it fatigue. Call it my crazy hormones.
Credit it to the stress of a move, to health issues or to transitioning from full-time working woman to full-time mom.
I believe all of these circumstances play a role in my current condition ... but, in my opinion, my struggle is as much spiritual in nature as it is hormonal or circumstantial.
The reason I am sharing the personal information below is because I want you to know you are not alone if you have contended with any of these emotions.
The following excerpt was written off the cuff ... for no reason except to vent, journal and document my feelings so that I can clearly see the rainbow on the other side of the storm.
A season of lamenting
I love my sweet daughter. I love my wonderful husband. I love my precious family.
But, right now, I do not love my life.
I’m sad. I’m tired. I’m lonely.
My joints ache. My back hurts. My neck is stiff.
I feel like every day is the same day.
I’m distraught. I’m discouraged. I’m disappointed.
I need a break. I need joy. I need to feel the presence of the Lord.
I am thankful. I am hopeful. I am blessed.
But I am not happy.
I am overweight. I am scared. I am unkempt.
I hate the way I look.
I want to smile. I want to sleep. I want to feel like myself again.
I miss me.
I used to like me.
I really enjoyed living.
Now, I only want to cry. All the time.
I feel inept. I feel incapable. I feel like a failure.
But I don’t want to believe the enemy’s lies.
He tells me that there is something wrong with me.