Misty Shultz: Choose your friends wisely, no matter your age

As adults, we often have different standards for ourselves than we do for our children.

We reason that our children are immature, naïve, impressionable, and inexperienced, Therefore, we must teach them and protect them because they do not know better.

Of course these statements are absolutely true, but isn’t the same true for us?

In many ways, are we not spiritually immature, naïve to the enemy’s schemes, impressionable in our careers and relationships, inexperienced in the ways of God?

If this is the true, and I know that it certainly is for me, we need the instruction and protection of God as much as our children need the guidance of loving parents.

If your teenage son begins to spend time with someone who drinks all the time, you will probably encourage him to be cautious about the people he befriends.

Why would you caution him?

As I often tell the teenagers I counsel, “You become who you hang with.”

The same is true for adults.

If we choose to spend time with people who influence us away from God and the righteousness that he has called us to uphold, then we likely need to rethink our friendships.

I have certainly had to step away from relationships that did not support my spiritual growth.

I did not abandon these friends; we still talk on occasion.

But I made the conscious decision to surround myself with people who encourage me spiritually rather than tempt me to engage in activities or conversations that do not honor God.

The transition has taken some time, but my relationship with God has absolutely flourished as a result.

When I worked with youth and college students, I would tell them, “You determine who you should hang out with by your level of spiritual maturity. If you tend to get drawn into sin rather than drawing the other person closer to Jesus, you know that you should not be in the relationship.”

The same is true for adults.

If we are not strong enough to uphold our convictions when we are around another person or a group of people, we have no business keeping their company.

Ladies, does a specific friend tempt you to gossip? Does she condone lying to your husband? Does she rationalize overspending?

Guys, does your friend encourage you to drink too much or too often? Does he coax you to spend an abundance of time away from your family? Does he show you inappropriate images online?

If you are not strong enough to say no to sin when you are with this friend, you probably need to gently step away from the relationship.

In Ephesians 5:6-7 Paul tells us, “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them.” (NKJV)

If a friend’s words lure you into participating in activities that cause you to stumble, to neglect or hurt your family, to ignore your responsibilities, then you are partaking in disobedience.

I learned this the hard way.

Before accepting my call to ministry, I lived a colorful life. And, as you might imagine, I had color-coordinated friends. My friends professed Christianity, but their lifestyle spoke volumes about their relationship with God, or lack thereof.

I enjoyed these friendships for many years, but I became uncomfortable around my friends as I drew closer to God and our priorities became vastly different.

I didn’t want to let the friendships go because I loved and valued my longtime friends. But the Holy Spirit convicted me. I was choosing them over God.

When I was around these friends, I tried to be a Christian influence and talk to them about Jesus, but inevitably I would catch myself saying or doing at least one thing that did not honor God while I was in their presence.

How quickly the old man returns if we allow him.

When I determined I was not strong enough to consistently live out my faith in these relationships, I began the process of “refriending.”

I consciously made the decision to make new friends who strengthened my faith and gave me accountability.

I joined church groups and organizations that allowed me to meet people who would help me to mature in Christ. This was absolutely the best decision I ever made.

Today, I continue to maintain some of the friendships from the past, but I do not spend the majority of my time with these friends.

And when we are together, I am strong enough to lead as an example instead of falling victim to temptation.

My decision doesn’t mean I love them less, it means I love God more.

I love God enough to become the consistent Christian necessary to do his work and lead a family accordingly.

The people we spend time with can make or break our faith.

Those who exhibit godly character can bring us honor and draw us closer to God, but those who choose disobedience can act as quicksand in our lives.

It is our responsibility to determine the difference and make some tough decisions, decisions that will have eternal value.

“Do not be deceived. Evil company corrupts good habits. Awake to righteousness, and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God.” (1 Corinthians 15:33-34, NKJV)



Misty Shultz holds master’s degrees in marriage and family counseling and Christian education. She can be reached at mshultz@reflectionofgrace.org.