Published: October 10, 2008 04:10 pm            

Misty Shultz: Wives should submit to husbands

As an independent woman, I once found it quite difficult to accept the command given to women in Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3: Wives should submit to their husbands.

Whew! These are fightin’ words for those who adhere to the women’s lib movement, which I never have.

The Greek word for submission is “hupotasso,” which means to voluntarily subdue, defer to, or be under the subjection of another individual, such as a military commander.

With this picture in mind, a strong-willed, strong-minded woman will probably become defensive and put her foot down, exclaiming, “I am not submitting to anyone, especially my husband!”

I understand this mentality. The word submission is offensive to those who are afraid of being vulnerable.

But through study and spiritual maturity, I now find these words to be freeing because I realize this is a perfect picture of what it looks like to submit to Christ.

I have free will, but out of love, trust and adoration, I allow Jesus to lovingly guide me as I journey down life’s path.

Ephesians 5:22 tells women, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (NKJV)

This does not mean women are to give up their rights or their choices. It means we are to look to our husbands for guidance and strength, just as we look to our Lord for guidance and strength.

And, in turn, husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. (Ephesians 5:25, NKJV)

In other words, husbands are to love sacrificially. They must be willing to make personal sacrifices to the point of laying down their lives for their wives.

Both spouses are called to love one another selflessly instead of selfishly.

Unfortunately, our sin nature often makes this difficult.

In the beginning, God created man and determined that he would be lonely without woman. So, God put Adam to sleep, took one of his ribs, and from his flesh, created woman.

In Genesis 2:23, God says he named the female “woman” because she was taken out of man. Man was created first, and the creation of women followed thereafter.

Then, in the very next verse, God introduces the idea of marriage.

“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, NKJV)

With the temptation of Eve in the Garden of Eden, the husband-wife relationship took a different spin. Because the serpent tempted Eve, and Eve offered the forbidden fruit to Adam, their relationship was tainted.

God told Eve in Genesis 3:16b, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (NKJV)

The Hebrew word for desire means “control” Therefore, God is saying that women and men will struggle for control and power throughout their days.

Some of you may be thinking, “No, I don’t try to control my husband. I enjoy honoring and serving him.”

Others may argue that women have every right to exert control over men so men do not take advantage of them.

Having counseled numerous couples, I have discovered a pattern.

If a woman has a controlling or abusive father or stepfather, she may not feel comfortable relinquishing control to her husband. If she has had a controlling or abusive boyfriend or spouse, she might refuse submission. Or, if she has been emotionally damaged by men and believes they are not worthy of respect, she will not have a desire to honor her husband.

This makes complete sense. If we have been wounded and lack trust in the opposite sex, we definitely don’t want to make ourselves vulnerable.

But God tells husbands to love their wives sacrificially. Herein lies the key …

A man must prove himself worthy of submission before a woman feels safe submitting.

Because I have a husband I trust, I feel safe deferring to him. Because I have a husband who seeks wisdom from the Lord, I feel comfortable with his decisions. Because he loves me sacrificially, values my opinion, and puts my needs before his own, I find joy in serving, honoring and respecting him.

This is the design for marriage that God intended.

If you are a husband who is frustrated because you have a domineering wife, I ask how sacrificially you are loving her and loving God?

Chances are that if you begin to demonstrate sacrificial love, she will slowly but surely feel safe and begin to let go of the reins.

If you are a wife who is frustrated because you are not married to a man who is easy to submit to, I beg you to humbly honor him with submission.

I know this is not easy, but God doesn’t tell us our obedience is contingent on our husband’s obedience. Therefore, despite our spouse’s actions or lack thereof, we must remember we will ultimately answer to God for our own actions.

In fact, God may use our humble example to win our husbands to Christ.

“Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear [respect for God].” (1 Peter 3:1-2, NKJV)



Misty Shultz holds master’s degrees in marriage and family counseling and Christian education. She can be reached at mmenos_7@yahoo.com.

        

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