Published: August 01, 2008 12:26 pm            

Mike Scarlett: Is blood really thicker than water?

An acquaintance wrote the following about his life as a stepchild.

“I write to you with a heavy heart. My pain began 49 years ago. It has to do with my stepfather. My dad [stepfather] has been in my life from the time I was 2 years old. He is the only father that I have ever known, and I must say that I love him. After my mom and dad got together they had my little brother.

“I remember as a little boy noticing that there were differences in the way my little brother and I were treated by my dad [stepfather]. Since I loved my dad, it hurt me to see the preferential treatment that he gave my younger brother. At first it was little things, and then as we grew older, the differences became more blatant. By the time I reached my senior year of high school I was ready to explode. Fortunately I was able to get some relief when I went to college.

“As an adult I have had a very good relationship with my dad. My family goes to see him on a regular basis, and my children know him as grandpa. We talk on the phone several times a week and share many common interests.

“My dad is aging and has been making decisions on how to divide up his estate. Last week he informed me that I would not be mentioned in his will. He told me that he was giving half of his estate to my brother’s family, and half to his current wife.

“I cannot begin to describe the flood of emotions that hit me at that moment. Anger, betrayal, rejection, hurt, sorrow, etc. surrounded me as I tried to make sense of what he had just told me. I asked, ‘So what you are saying is that I am not your son?’ His response ripped me in half. He said, ‘Blood is thicker than water.’

“For the last week I have been trying to reconcile the past 49 years of Father’s Day, Christmases, vacations, phone calls, letters, etc. Was it all a fraud? Was my dad just tolerating me? If he didn’t see me as his son, why did he let me call him Dad all those years? I feel like I played the part of a fool.”

This story has caused me to think about the phrase, “Blood is thicker than water.”

A typical definition is that family loyalties are stronger than nonfamily. I understood what the blood means in the phrase, but did not understand the significance of the water. So I went to the Internet.

The Web site www.answerbag.com explains that it may have origins in biblical and Arabic writings.

According to the Web site, it might have originally had an opposite meaning of how it is used today. The original meaning may have meant that, “the blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb.”

In other words, some relationships may actually be stronger than blood family. Evidence of this can be seen when the scripture states, “there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)

Further evidence of this is found in the Christian faith, which came out of the Jewish faith. In the Jewish tradition it was very difficult for a Gentile, non-Jew, to enter the Jewish faith.

In the early beginnings of Christianity, most, if not all of Jesus’ followers were Jews. But through the blood sacrifice Jesus made at the cross it became possible for the non-Jew, through the simple act of repentance and faith in Jesus Christ, to be adopted into the family of God.

Through this adoption there are no stepchildren, and no second-class family members.

Everyone shares equally in God’s inheritance and love. This event made it possible for anyone, regardless of race, or history to become full members of the family of God.

From a Christian perspective I believe that when two families blend a covenant is made that says, “Your people shall be my people, and your God shall be my God.” (Ruth 1:16)

Unfortunately in this day of multiple marriages and divorce, “blood favoritism” is common, which leaves many stepchildren feeling insignificant and not worthy.

It can be devastating for an individual to believe he or she doesn’t measure up or is not fully accepted within a family.

If you don’t feel loved, worthy, or accepted in your family I want to tell you that it is not your fault. If you are mistreated, or neglected it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.

Maybe you have experienced pain because of favoritism in your life.

If you feel alone, or abandoned, I want to encourage you that you are not.

I invite you to become my “blood brother or blood sister” by simply choosing to follow Jesus.

By becoming a member of God’s family you will be given an eternal inheritance, and a relationship with a father who’s love is unconditional and unchanging.



Mike Scarlett is a Christian counselor and can be contacted at 817-933-5041 or mikescarlett.com.

        

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