Published: June 27, 2008 10:15 am            

Misty Shultz: The words that make Christians different

On occasion I’ve been asked questions about what makes Christians different from other folks.

Are Christians different because we don’t have as many faults as others?

Hah! Hardly. We often have as many faults as the next person.

Are Christians different because we are always happy?

I wish! I certainly have days that are happier than others.

Are Christians different because we are always considerate and unselfish?

Unfortunately no. I find myself having to repent often because I have only thought of my own needs or desires in a particular situation.

So, what makes us different?

I believe Christians are different because of the way we handle our imperfections and misgivings. At least I hope this is true of most of us.

I was challenged with such an opportunity this week.

As a college instructor, I often enjoy kidding around with my students. We have a playful rapport. I pick on them. They pick on me. We laugh a lot. I love this dynamic.

However, I recently hurt a student’s feelings and was absolutely unaware of my error until she pointed out my thoughtlessness.

I tend to be a bit sarcastic at times, but I like to think that as a counselor I am also able to discern with whom and in what situations sarcasm is appropriate.

That being said, I would never consciously hurt anyone. In fact, I do everything I can to build my students up so they finish my class feeling better about themselves than they did when they first walked through the door.

But I somehow dropped the ball with one of my students.

I thought I had developed a comfortable relationship with this young girl because we had chatted several times before and after class. So when she walked in late for the third day in a row, I began to kid around with her. I greeted her by name and acknowledged the fun attire she was wearing.

This is where I messed up because I assumed she would reciprocate the jibe.

She did not.

Although I had greeted her with a smile and a playful tone, I obviously embarrassed her. She wrote a note to tell me she did not appreciate what I said at all.

I felt terrible because she had completely misunderstood my comment and felt judged. I was so disappointed in myself.

I am thankful for the choices God gave me the wisdom to make after I received her note.

I thought about my student’s feelings of being singled out instead of rationalizing my behavior because I had told my students during the first class that I would acknowledge their tardiness with a personal greeting. And, instead of convincing myself that I wasn’t wrong because my other students had laughed when I greeted them by name, I considered the possibility that these students could have felt same way but hesitated to express their feelings.

In other words, instead of justifying my actions, I put myself in my students’ shoes.

And I was humbled.

So, what did I do?

Prayed.

And then I picked up the phone and called my student. I thanked her for her note and her honesty. I apologized to her. I told her she did not deserve to be made to feel badly, and I asked for her forgiveness. I also asked if there was anything else that she wanted to share with me.

I think she was a bit shocked by the phone call, but she seemed grateful I made the effort.

But I was far more grateful I made the effort.

At one point in my life, I likely would not have been willing to put my pride aside and strive for humility. Fortunately, today, I firmly believe it is the willingness of Christians to admit our faults and ask for forgiveness that separates us from those who have not experienced Christ’s forgiveness.

Like everyone else, we are going to mess up, hurt others with our words and disappoint those we care about.

But in these times we are given a tremendous opportunity to exemplify Christ’s character and demonstrate grace and love to those we offend.

We are told in 1 Thessalonians 5:11, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” (NIV)

In Ephesians 4:29, Paul tells believers, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace on the hearers.” (NKJV)

Therefore, I am called to speak only words that encourage and edify those around me. When I fail to do this, I am not imparting grace. In fact, I am likely stripping another of his or her worth or self-confidence.

I don’t know about you, but that’s the last thing I would ever want to do.

Even when we have the best intentions, our words or actions may be misconstrued. When this happens, we must be willing to apologize to the person we hurt. After all, the person could be having a terrible day, or he or she may have been wounded in the past by similar actions.

Therefore, through our humility, we have a tremendous opportunity to foster healing. We simply must lay our pride at the foot of the cross and say “I’m sorry.”



Misty Shultz holds master’s degrees in marriage and family counseling and Christian education. She can be reached at mmenos_7@yahoo.com.

        

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