Published: May 13, 2008 01:46 am            

Mike Scarlett: Obama and Wright, friends closer than a brother?

It was sad to watch the public spectacle as the friendship of Barack Obama and Pastor Jeremiah Wright seemed to come to an end. When the first wave of demands that Obama distance himself from his longtime friend and pastor came, I was really impressed with Obama’s loyalty to his friend. But Wright, probably because of the upcoming release of his new book, would not, or could not, stay out of the public spotlight. This put Obama in a position to decide what he wanted more, the presidency or his friendship with Wright.

Watching this drama unfold has caused me to think about the many different types of friendships. I think many times friendships are based on some kind of exchange of value.

When a relationship or friendship breaks up we often hear the phrase, “It just wasn’t worth it.” This phrase indicates an expectation of value to be received in exchange for something. When that expectation isn’t met, relationships often end. Warning — the following is a sarcastic look at some types of friendships.

The first type of friend is the “Hitchhiker.” The Hitchhiker is along for the ride. He is usually very agreeable because, after all, the ride isn’t costing him anything. If the friendship breaks down, don’t expect him to look under the hood to find the problem because he hasn’t taken ownership of the friendship.

The second type of friend is the “Day Trader.” The Day Trader does not maintain long-term friendships. Relationships for the Day Trader are usually only temporary, and immediate gratification is the rule of the day. This person does not form attachments to anyone and will quickly abandon or dump a relationship in favor of one that seems to have more value or attractiveness.

The “Garage Saler” usually has many relationships. Many of his relationships aren’t worth much, as is typical of garage sale stuff. His relationships typically lack quality or value because he hasn’t invested the necessary time to become acquainted with his friends.

The “Tire Kicker” is basically a teaser. He shows up and acts like he is going to buy into the friendship, but when it is all said and done he says, “It’s not what I am looking for,” and leaves. The truth is, he never had any intention of becoming friends in the first place.

The “Let’s Make a Deal” friend barters his love and affections for whatever he needs at the time. This type of friend is very generous as long as you return the favor, but the second you don’t perform, he will pout and put on a sad face. Often he will ignore you and make you pay a high price, including interest, for your failures.

The “Judge Roy Bean” type of friend is the judge and jury. He metes out justice based on a set of rules that only he knows or understands. Don’t violate his rules or you will be hung out to dry with no chance for a pardon.

The “Philanthropist” is very generous and prides himself on helping the less fortunate and will give lots of money to fix a problem, as long as it is at arm’s length. He doesn’t like to get his hands dirty and avoids messy situations, including emotional problems. He will probably offer to help you pay to see a good counselor, but don’t expect him to listen to your problems.

The previous descriptions of how some friends interact may sound cynical and possibly even humorous, but if there is any truth in my descriptions then it is mostly sad. I must admit that some of these descriptions may even sound a little like me during different times of my life. Do any of them describe how you relate to others?

I wrote this article in a sarcastic way to challenge each of us to think about how we interact with friends. To build more meaningful relationships I feel it is important to move away from the, “what’s in it for me” approach to friendship. The Scripture says, “There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” I wonder ... am I that kind of friend?



Mike Scarlett is a Christian counselor and may be contacted by going to mikescarlett.com or by calling 817-933-5041.

        

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