Everybody wants to be a comedian these days. If you don’t believe it, check your e-mail box and your newspaper, not necessarily in that order, of course.
Several weeks ago, I was the proud recipient of an e-mail blurb and photo about a record-size diamondback rattlesnake allegedly found at Cleburne’s municipal golf course.
An Internet story about the event said in part:
“Beau Elrod made a startling discovery on a local golf course in Cleburne TX on Monday. While searching for golf balls, a weekly endeavor for Beau on Cleburne’s city golf course, Beau thought he had stepped on a rotten fallen tree limb. ‘It kind of mushed under my boot and I didn’t think much of it, till it began to move,’ he said.
“Beau is awaiting the final results on his record-setting capture from the North Texas Game Wardens office. The Game Wardens office spent some time Monday afternoon surveying the area with moderate concern for the existence of additional diamondbacks of this size.”
I pointed out in my response that few golf balls would be found at Cleburne Municipal until the course opened for play July 4.
I didn’t mention that the photo seemed a trifle odd.
The snakehandler was holding up the snake as though it might have weighed a few ounces instead of 97 pounds.
I also quoted a somewhat scientific blogger, who wrote, “I’ve read about this snake before. Snopes.com says the picture came out in 2005 but from another part of Texas. Then later the same picture was used with a story of a snake in Missouri. Now this story comes out, and the snake is back in Texas. The first story even had a recipe for Snake Steaks (deep-fried rattlesnake)! Evidently the picture is true, but the certainty of the story is undetermined. However, there’s got to be a good illustration in there somewhere, even if it is that stories can grow as big as snakes can in Texas!”
I added a couple of little funnies to the story, as I am prone to do. I alerted the editor.
I didn’t give “super snake” another thought until I was alerted that the Houston Chronicle had reprinted my story and that Chronicle readers were having a jolly good time posting comments below it.
I’m thoroughly delighted to provide a few examples. Any spelling and grammar mistakes are purely Houstonian.
SJHTX wrote: “I don’t like to admit it but I’ve believed a few hoax stories before, :) but that’s why there so fun for people to tell.”
I’ve believed a few hoaxes, too. I got sucked into a trap over the infamous Hogzilla when I was at the Hood County News.
Pitboxer wrote: “What does a 97# rattler eat? 40# bunnies of course. By the way, did I show you my jack-a-lope? He’s right up there on the mantle with my fanged whitetail. Next to Nessie, you know.”
I went jack-a-lope hunting in Cuero a few years ago and bagged a coach.
Cybonics wrote: “This isn’t 1993 ... why would anyone believe anything sent as spam to their in box? Why is this news?”
We have to fill up the news hole with something.
MikaB wrote, in reference to Cyboncs, “PLEASE NOTE IT IS IN THE SECTION MARKED ‘NOT THE NEWS’ IDIOT!”
Don’t be name-calling. You could get ticketed for disorderly conduct.
Ge7sb wrote: “Like I have said before; ‘don’t believe anything you hear and 1/2 of what you see!!’
I’ve said that since 1976, when I lost most of the vision in my right eye.
Puzzled wrote: “When I went to the theater to see the Blair Witch Project it was packed ... but of course I didn’t believe it, nope, not me, ... that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.”
Listen, don’t be surprised if someone makes a movie about a nine-foot rattlesnake.
HisChild wrote: “Well, at least the guy’s name wasn’t Bubba.”
Actually, that was the name of the snake.
Mouthy wrote: “Why is it that when any news comes out of Texas it is something that makes us all look like a bunch of yahoos?”
Rick Perry and I have been called a lot worse.
HisChild wrote: “Did you get the one a few years ago with a man holding a cat that looked like it was 3 or 4 feet long and probably weighed at least 50 pounds? Only problem was that the man himself was bigger than the furniture which was supposedly in the room where he stood. Not to mention his arms were extended, too. A bit of camera shenanigans, I’d think.”
I had a cat named Spike Owen who weighed in at about half a hundred. His diet consisted of baloney and fried chicken.
Selaris wrote: “That would have been one huge snake.”
Or one small defensive end.
And FenceSitter wrote in response to MikaB: “Too many people believe what garbage ends up in their in box. from 97lb snakes to huge Iraq sand crabs, If you pass this around really you will be saved. Send it to 10 of your friends.”
I’m sending it to 20. I think I need to be saved twice.
Opinion
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