He answered the phone, identifying himself the usual way, “This is Randy; can I help you?”
The person on the other end began berating him, using language that probably would have earned him a mouth washing in another time. Randy was patient, listening to the man complain about what a bunch of crooks we were, then helping him solve his billing problem.
The abuser on the other end of the line was one of Randy’s “neighbors,” someone who lived a couple of farms over and who had visited with him at the feed store numerous times. Apparently he didn’t recognize Randy’s voice on the phone. In the feed store, he was quite polite in his dealings with Randy, though he knew where Randy worked and wasn’t afraid to express his dislike for Randy’s employer.
The difference, it seemed, lay in the anonymity of the phone call. He couldn’t see who he was talking to, so as far as he knew, this was some other Randy who probably didn’t know him either. That gave him the freedom to be rude.
I thought of that incident from my old life because of an e-mail I received the other day. We’d run a story we thought was interesting, not knowing a similar story might be unfolding in our back yard.
The writer’s tone, though that’s always difficult to determine exactly in an e-mail, was basically, “You bunch of dummies. Why’d you do that?” The writer did not sign his or her name.
My initial reaction was that I was going to fire back with a pointed e-mail pointing out the writer’s rude behavior. But I remembered that Randy always treated twerps with equanimity, and I probably should as well.
Still, I’m amazed at how rude people will be when the cloak of anonymity is involved. I’ve had older sounding individuals call the paper on a weekend I was working and be positively nasty to me. They have a problem, and they become irate when I indicate I can’t solve it. I’ve been yelled at, threatened and hung up on.
Silly me, I thought the previous generation was supposed to have learned manners that subsequent ones did not. And I suspect that if they dealt with me in person, they would be more polite, though I’ve seen people tear into receptionists and sales clerks over trivial mistakes.
Again, the key seems to be anonymity. We don’t know each other and are unlikely to have much contact with each other. That seems to equal a reason to be unpleasant and flat rude.
I wonder, if I was that nice man who lived next door, whose wife occasionally brought them cookies, would they treat me the same? I doubt it.
I almost always wonder if these people attend church, and if so, how they justify their behavior. I don’t remember reading a verse that says, “Verily I say unto you, if a stranger is in thy midst (or on the phone) thou shalt feel free to deem him a moron undeserving of respect.” Must be in 1 Hezekiah. Whatever happened to “Do unto others?” And “Love thy neighbor as thyself?” Weren’t those words uttered by the person they supposedly call “Lord?”
I’m even more put off by the caller or writer who refuses to provide a name, as my recent correspondent did. We put our names on everything we produce. If we make a mistake or write something readers disagree with, they know exactly who to respond to. To write or call and refuse to identify yourself, well that’s just, what’s the word I’ve been using? Oh, yeah. Rude.
So, here’s what I propose. The next time you have a problem with the newspaper, or the store clerk or anyone else you think has fouled up, stop and ask yourself: Am I about to go off on this person simply because I don’t know him? If the situation were reversed, would I appreciate being yelled at, especially if I’m not really the one responsible?
If you answer the first question “yes” or “maybe” and the second one, “Nope, not on your life,” then calm down and use some human kindness and respect. Your mother was right. You do catch more flies with honey.
Michael O’Connor can be reached at editor@trcle.com.
Opinion
Michael O'Connor: We use our names, you should too
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