In teaching psychology at Hill College, I have asked students why they made poor decisions in their youth. There has been a common theme in answers: They followed the crowd and participated in what their friends were doing, lacked parental guidance or both.
We’ve all heard the saying, “We are the company that we keep.”
It’s true. We tend to take on the qualities of those we associate with on a regular basis.
Proverbs 22:24-25 says, “Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.” (NKJV)
I have learned over the years that if I surround myself with godly friends, I become a stronger Christian woman. I have people who will pray with me, be honest with me when I begin to go down the wrong path, hold me accountable and convict me of my shortcomings by their great example.
It has taken some time to learn this lesson because I didn’t always surround myself with the best examples when I was younger. And I paid the price.
When my friends did something, I developed a curiosity and wanted to experience what they were doing. I was never a bad kid. I have never touched an illegal drug, and I didn’t throw parties at my house whenever my parents were out of town. But I did make many unwise decisions.
Every time I look back on these decisions, I can link them to either a friend or a dating relationship. In essence, I became the company that I kept.
If your children are ditching school, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, lying, engaging in sexual activity or doing other things that cause you to worry, you can bet their decisions can be traced back to their friends.
As a parent, this is where you are called to step in.
Having counseled families, I realize that it is tough to balance not being too rigid or too lenient. You don’t want your child to rebel but you don’t want them to walk all over you either.
However, monitoring your children’s friends and activities is one of the best decisions you will ever make for your children. Even if they get angry with you initially, they will thank you later.
When I was growing up, there were three times my mom told me I shouldn’t befriend someone. Each time, I put my stubborn teenage foot down and each time, she proved to be right.
Most teens believe they are grown up and wise and independent. I was there, but looking back I knew so little. I didn’t have the wisdom or experience to make good decisions for myself, and neither do children today.
However, as a parent, you have the wisdom and experience that can help your children avoid traps that will permanently affect their lives. You can guide them and influence them. To do this, you must really get to know your children, and this requires spending time with them.
Even if they try to shut you out, find ways to become involved in their lives. They need to spend more time with good influences than they spend with those who persuade them to make bad decisions. Cut out some of the extracurricular school activities. Make dinner at home mandatory. Have family movie night during the week. Building a relationship of mutual respect is crucial if you want your children to value what you say.
If you lack confidence in your ability to effectively parent, parenting classes can help you learn how to love your children through their struggles with kindness and discipline. It is possible to be a parent who is not too permissive and too over-protective, and it is possible to relate to your children.
In the meantime, find a strong church youth group that will allow your children to be surrounded by reputable Christian influences. Your children need education and accountability on a regular basis.
If you believe all children are involved in questionable activity, you have been misconstrued. Although many young people make poor choices, many more are not.
Most importantly, pray for your children. They are fighting a battle every single day. Most likely, they know the difference between good and bad choices, but they need the strength and courage to choose the good ones.
“The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Proverbs 12:26, NKJV)
Misty Shultz can be reached at
817-645-2441, ext. 2336, or reporter2@trcle.com.
Opinion
Misty Shultz: Help your children avoid life’s pitfalls
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