Published: July 01, 2009 02:00 pm      

Randy Sheridan: Morbid or not, death happens

It’s not the subject of choice for most of us. We would rather discuss the weather, the economy, politics or even going to the dentist ­— just don’t talk about death.

With the recent deaths of celebrities Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson combined with the passing of some close friends, I have been forced to give some serious thought to the dreaded subject, the 800 pound elephant in the room that everyone usually ignores.

Sometimes life just doesn’t turn out the way we thought it would. Its disappointments can leave us in despair, grieving the loss of something or someone we loved. Our loss can cause us to be angry because we tried so hard to save them or give them the best care we could afford — and now they’re gone.

Dealing with just such a loss can impact us in a number of ways. We all process life’s events a little differently. Some are prone to internalize emotional pain while others vent, sometimes on other people.

David was a songwriter from way back, and as I read his writings I saw he had learned to channel those emotions, the hurt, and the pain of life’s most difficult losses into songs written to God.

Today, millions of people read and sing his material and draw strength from it.

Is there a song in you? Have you lost someone close to your heart?

Why not put it on paper or sit down at your keyboard and allow yourself the luxury of openly venting your feelings.

The American Academy of Family Physicians offers this: “People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. They feel good about themselves and have good relationships. They can keep problems in perspective.”

Several things come to mind as I process the loss of a few close friends in recent months.

First, it offers a startling reminder of how fleeting and fragile life can actually be.

Not that I had forgotten about my mortal state or anything like that, but it’s easy to become so absorbed in what we are doing that only when death exacts it’s harrowing toll on someone we know or are closely associated with does it really gain our attention.

A couple of dear ladies in our church have recently passed away.

For one of them, most everyone realized, including her, that her days were numbered, though no one wants to accept such fate.

The other died suddenly in her sleep, with most thinking she would be around for many years to come.

But that’s God’s call, not ours.

A man whose wife died in a tragic auto accident said, speaking of the sorrow and grief, “You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it, and you can’t go around it; you have to go through it.” We are able to go through it because God is with us.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book “On Death and Dying” describes five common stages of grief, which are not always in any order, will vary in intensity, and may reoccur for some time.

The first is denial, as in “I can’t believe this is happening to me.”

Sometimes its easier to put our head in the sand or occupy ourselves with other things than to actually face the grief head on. But this only delays the inevitable.

Secondly is good old anger: “Who is responsible for this happening to me?”

Then, we look for someone or something to blame. It’s a vicious cycle, one best avoided if at all possible.

Actually anger is a normal result of the pain we feel in loss.

We often lash out at others and may even be angry at God for a time.

The nice thing about that is he understands our anger and does not abandon us.

Just as a child may be angry with a parent for a time, the parent does not abandon the child.

Next comes the bargaining stage: “What could I have done differently to prevent this?”

On the heels of this comes depression and finally, hopefully, acceptance.

No one said it would be easy. Losses rarely are, but life does go on. And God is still faithful in all of his doings.

I think one of the richest lessons I’ve learned while working with senior citizens is to draw from the vast reservoir of experiences and knowledge so many of them possess.

With all due diligence, may we draw from the well before it’s too late.

An African folk song declares, “When an old person dies, it’s as if a library has been destroyed by fire.”

How true! Every senior adult represents a bridge to the past.

That bridge can only be crossed if this younger generation takes the time to draw out the wealth of history and heritage that is stored within the heart and mind of that walking library.

It takes time, patience, and a whole lot of love.

Morbid or not, death happens.

So, why not grab a bucket and find a “well” worth drawing from.

Your life will forever be enriched.



Randy Sheridan of Burleson is a speaker, counselor and mediator. He can be reached at drsheridan@aol.com.