Features / Living
Monica Green: What not to buy for Valentine’s Day
— Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine’s Day.
“Yes,” came the answer from Tony who was a bit of a chauvinist, “I’ve bought her a belt and a bag.”
“That was very kind of you,” Jim added, “I hope she appreciated the thought.”
Tony smiled as he replied, “So do I, and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.”
Funny punch line to a joke, huh? And hopefully just that, a joke.
I pray that no man would ever try to buy his wife an appliance for Valentine’s Day. Although I’m sure it’s been done.
One year my dad bought some kind of appliance for my mother for Valentine’s Day. I can’t remember what it was exactly, but his thoughts were that she kept commenting how much she needed a new one.
As much as she might have needed that particular item, trying to pass it off as a Valentine’s Day gift was not the best idea he ever had.
Take note men. Women do not want appliances for Valentine’s Day.
Although you might think it’s a practical gift, your wife believes that is sending a message you don’t want her to be thinking.
Women do not want anything to do with weight loss for Valentine’s Day. Whether it be workout clothes, a workout DVD, a gym membership, a year’s supply of diet pills, etc — just do not do it!
The message that translates into women’s minds with this type of gift is “You’re fat.” Not a good idea.
And lastly, women — well most women — do not want lingerie for Valentine’s Day.
In your mind it’s a romantic gift. In their mind, it’s a gift that’s more for your enjoyment than hers.
A better gift, if you insist on something to do with lingerie, is to give her a gift card and go shopping with her to pick something out.
Valentine’s Day should be a happy holiday for couples, as long as the men buy the right gifts.
If all else fails, try what the guy in my next joke does.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed ‘Guess who?!?!?’”
“But why?” asks the man.
“Just drumming up business,” the man replied. “I’m a divorce lawyer!”
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